3 Reasons You Can’t Make a Decision
A practical guide to getting unstuck so that you can make the decision that changes everything.
You know you need to make a decision.
This isn’t one of those times when you can avoid the issue until it goes away. You actually have to make a decision about that job, relationship, health diagnoses, problem, or opportunity.
You’ve done the typical routine. Polled family and friends. Weighed the pros and cons. Searched Google. Yet, you are no closer to making a decision. Why?
There could be a hundred reasons why you can’t make a decision. Chances are most of those reasons fall under three main causes: Indistinguishable Choices, Certainty Addiction, and Forgotten Purpose.
Indistinguishable Choices
Suppose we met for coffee, or tea, if you prefer. The cafe is crowded, but I’ve managed to snag a table. I offer you a choice of two seats: the first a plush, armchair in your favorite color, the second a splintered, backless wooden stool dripping with hot coffee. Which seat do you choose?
Unless you’re a masochist, you’ll probably choose the armchair. The decision was easy because one option was obviously bad, while the other choice was obviously good.
If you can’t make a decision, it may be because you have indistinguishable choices. Neither option is superior to the other. When two career options have similar pay, working conditions, and advancement potential, it’s hard to make a case for either position over the other.
As a first step, don’t allow yourself to get pigeonholed by your choices. You almost always have more than two or three options.
If you’ve earnestly boiled it down to a few options, and still can’t make a decision, flip a coin. Draw from a hat. Place your options on a dart board and see which one you hit. Just take your pick, and run with it.
You may be screaming, “No way! I’m not leaving my decision to chance. This is too important. I need to make the right choice.”
That’s fair. But what is the right choice when your options are essentially the same?
If you’re still stuck, you may suffer from a very common, very destructive addiction that we all face from time to time.
Certainty Addiction
We tend to think of addiction in terms of drugs and alcohol abuse. There are many other substances and behaviors that people are addicted to. Food, gambling, video games, work, are all ripe for addiction.
When it comes to decision making, it is our certainty addiction that prevents us from moving forward.
Certainty addiction reflects our need to know what will happen next. We want to know that our decision will be successful.
We do not control outcomes. We can act with wisdom, but we have no guarantee that our decision will get us what we want. Even if our plans work as expected, the results may not satisfy us the way we had hoped.
A certainty addiction will lead you to gather far more information than is needed to make a good decision. A certainty addiction will also make you fight to keep the status quo, even if the status quo makes you miserable.
I explore the idea of certainty addiction more fully in Decision Habits: 7 Real-Life Strategies to Make Better Decisions.
It’s only human nature to crave security and stability. However, a high level of certainty in an uncertain world is not possible. Life comes with twists and turns. Our efforts to be certain can take us far away from what we really want in life.
If it’s taking you too long to make a decision, ask yourself if your need for certainty has you stuck.
Forgotten Purpose
Decision making is not a matter of choosing between a few options. At it’s core, a decision is a problem-solving vehicle.
When we decide what to eat for dinner, we solve the problem of hunger. When we decide where to work, we solve the problem of income and a desire to contribute. When we decide who to marry, we solve the problem of familial and companionship needs.
If you can’t make a decision, it’s possible that you’ve lost sight of your purpose. You knew what you wanted to accomplish in the beginning. But distractions, fears, hangups, cognitive biases, and life generally, may have gotten in the way.
Return to your purpose. What were you trying to accomplish in the first place? What did you hope to gain? What did you hope to avoid?
Simply make the decision that is more likely to help you reach your goals. No, you can’t guarantee success. But better to use your energy to put a plan into action than spend one more second in deliberation.
